Feel This Moment
by LindRawr
Summary: Having a nice, strict control over your emotions can't possibly be a bad thing,...right? Will Beast Boy be able to strike some emotion in Raven before she learns her lesson the hard way?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: When I first started this I was aiming for a one, maybe two shot, but then I got this -what I think is- awesome plot line thought up. So now I'm super excited! Sorry for any typos, I reread as many times as I could without getting tired of my own writing. Please review and let me know what you think! Even just one word would be appreciated. R & R.

Disclaimer: This many surprise you, but you probably will never find anyone writing fan fiction that actually owns the show/movie/comic/etc. they're writing about. I am no exception. I do not own Teen Titans.

Chapter one

That tingling sensation was starting again. It sent painful pricks all over her body. Her eyes reacted instantly and pricked with tears that spilt over and left wet trails down her face. She could feel her face pull back into the grimace that the tears seemed unable to exist without. Her face contorted in pain and tears ran ruthlessly across the tortured expression that settled on her face. Her breathing came out as wet hisses between her clenched teeth as she tried to keep the sobs in. But they were still evident in the way her shoulder shook violently every time she breathed. She couldn't even control herself long enough to find a pillow to smother her cries into. She wasn't being overcome with sadness, no it was the hollowness that made her ache. _Pathetic. Unless._

It wasn't even her voice that whispered these cruel words into her thoughts anymore. Her own detest of herself wasn't enough to make her hurt like this. No, it was everyone else. Beast Boy, Robin, Starfire, and Cyborg. _Creepy. Demon._

It wasn't like this wasn't all true. There was just something about having others think these things that made it much more painful. She could live with knowing she was the pathetic, unless, creepy demon but she didn't want the other titans to know. But she could tell. She was an empath for Azar's sake!

It was just too much. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she could just feel happy every now and then. But she couldn't. All she could do was enjoys the shadows of the emotion that the others gave off so easily. But it wasn't the same. The feeling only lasted for a second and all it did was make it wish for more of something she couldn't have. Even the contempt look sipping tea ad meditating gave her was starting to feel forced.

Instead day after day her heart-if she even had one-felt like it was being slowly hollowed out. Like her body somehow knew she wasn't supposed to feel anyways and was making room for more important things that can put the now vacant space to better use. Her limbs felt too heavy and her head filled with languor as she ached for more than she could have.

She was actually surprised that she was sobbing so hard now. She was having trouble even feeling the more base emotions recently.

So in a nutshell she was suffering from selfishness. She already had great friends, a home, and a purpose. And she just had to want to one thing she couldn't have. _Selfish._

She got out of bed only to collapse at the foot of her bed. She couldn't stand to lie in its warm layers when all she could feel was equivalent to the cold hard surface of the floor. Trying to even her breathing in vain she drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She crammed her head into the space between her chest and her knees in an attempt to block out the world. But nothing worked and her breath only came out more haggard. She twisted her hands into her violet hair and closed them around the root of her hair. Giving them a slight tug she tried to turn her body's attention towards a more physical pain.

It didn't work, and she knew it wouldn't anyways. The pain that straddled the space where her heart should be felt all too real. Maybe she was in actual pain. Maybe she fell on a bed of nails_. I wonder_ _which would hurt more_, she mused. She released her locks and let her arms fall and close into fists at her sides. She tapped her foot against the wooded floor. Her heart thudding painfully in perfect time with her tapping. Closing her eyes she tried to let the dread that shadowed her slid off as anxiety. But still her throat clenched and unclenched as she contained her sobs before slowly letting them out as quiet choked gasps. She didn't want to disturb the others. After a while the tears on her face dried and left her face salty and sticky. She felt so empty and unfeeling. But she was feeling. She was feeling lonely and despondent and like the chance of her ever feeling different was little to nothing. But soon even that dissolved and she was left once again with hollowness.

She slowly stood up from her spot on the floor. She looked around her room and she vaguely felt the sensation of seeing this through someone else's eyes. Like part of her was floating away leaving her body even more empty than usual. She stumbled dizzily into her bathroom. Leaning heavily against the sink and looked back at the girl that stared back at her. Her normally pale face was covered in splotches of red that match the rim around her eyes. Her cheeks were still slightly shiny with tears and her lips were chapped. Her hair was mused and she had a bit of dried blood on her scalp. Huh. She must have pulled harder than she had thought.

She reached out a shaking hand to open the mirror to reveal a medicine cabinet. Her hands closed tightly around a bottle of antidepressant that she had begun to cherish. She used her other hand to pop the lid.

"RAVEN! WE'RE GOING OUT FOR PIZZA! C'MON!" Beast Boy's voice called from outside her bedroom door. She dropped she bottle in surprise and several of her pills quickly chased down the drain. She tried to save as many as she could.

"I'M NOT HUNGRY!" Raven hollered back in the direction of the door. She flinched, her voice sounded horse even to her ears. There was a long pause before he answered.

"Raven, are you ok in there?" He asked hesitantly.

"I will be in a second, so go away." She answered honestly. Her voice sounded more confident this time. Good.

She redirected her attention towards her pills. Tipping the bottle, she let two slip into her palm and swallowed them dry. She placed the bottle back in her cabinet and examined herself in the mirror again. She waited for them to take effect and imagined her eyes looking brighter, her shoulders more relaxed, and her smile surfacing easier. _No_, she thought sadly, _they never worked that well_. But they made things bearable.

She splashed a few handfuls of water on her face and the bloody spot on her head and then dried herself off with a soft towel. She walked out of the bathroom and opened the door of her room and was surprised to find a Beast Boy deep in deep thought standing there. They both jumped in surprise.

"Oh, uh, Raven, what are you doing here?" the changeling sputtered. She couldn't even muster up annoyance to bite out a sarcastic remark. Instead she forced a hopefully natural looking smile on her face and walked past the boy. This only caused him to sputter more. But Raven didn't catch most of it anyways.

As she strolled into the living room she was met with three smiling faces.

"Oh hey Raven, did Beast Boy actually convince you to come?" Robin asked, looking honestly surprised.

"No." she deadpanned, stepping around the group. Happiness was infectious and she didn't want to wait as the emotion tried in vain to pull her in. Happy didn't even bother to try and feed off their emotions and burst through her defenses anymore. Most off her emotional counter parts were pretty quiet these days.

"But friend Raven! You must accompany us! Friend Robin has promised they have plenty of the mustard. You need not worry, it will be glorious!" Starfire pleaded. Raven leaned into the girl slightly. Nothing. She could barely even get an empath reading. On Starfire of all people and she felt ten times more than the average human!

"No thank you." Raven replied calmly. The alien opened her mouth as if preparing to continue her argument, but the blaring noise of the alarm stopped her.

"Sounds like our plans were just canceled." Robin called grimly over the alarm.

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They all arrived a few minutes later outside the city pier warehouse. Raven landed onto the chipped pavement gracefully, immediately pulling her cloak close against the frigid cold. She really hated winter. It made fighting really inconvenient and how rarely did any villains want to take it inside.

Before she even realized what was happening a certain green idiot had weaseled his way into the fold of her cloak.

"Can't you share? I'm gonna freeze my tail off." Beastboy pleaded. As if he truly believed he was helping his case a green tail curled up and brushed her in the face. Raven immediately pushed the boy away roughly casting him away. In reply, he flashed a look so pitiful it was almost comical. Almost. Just for the sake of staying in character she used her dark energy to knock the boy off his feet.

"Fine! I get it!" The green boy mumbled dejectedly as he stood up and dusted himself off.

"Come on guys! We're on a mission here." Robin chided. He then turned around and ran through the door of the warehouse. The other titans followed at a slightly less enthusiastic speed. They arrived to find a certain bird held against the wall via giant red X.

"Red X." Robin hissed angrily. He seriously needed to learn how to take defeat better. Jumping into action Beast Boy changed into a rat and chewed through the binds holding robin up. Then with their leader back they ran in the direction that he pointed.

She teleported to the back of the warehouse to find Red X quickly riffling through on of the giant boxes that filled the building. He looked up at her entrance.

"Other look, more titans, I was starting to think Robin came alone." The distorted voice of Red X stung her ears. She heard as the other titans gather around her. Not waiting for Robin's to say those two words that launched them into action, Red X jumped into action. He threw a few exploding disks that ricocheted off a crate before heading in the direction of Robin. But Robin pulled his Bo staff out in the blink of an eye and deflected then effortlessly.

"Titans, Go!" Robin called as he jumped onto a crate and flipped off, using the momentum to aim a strong blow to Red X's shoulder. But he turned to the side at the last moment and Robin's staff only hit concrete. Gritting his teeth at the painful vibrations, Robin sent a volley of strikes but few got any purchase on their target as Red X teleported out of the way only to reappear a few feet away.

Starfire joined in on the game of whack-a-mole and began tossing crates at Red X, probably not even breaking a sweat.

"I don't get what you see in this guy, can't even land a good solid hit." Red X said disapprovingly to Starfire. Her eyes glowed an even brighter green but before a single star bolt left her eyes she was encased in red goo that kept the girl pinned against the floor. Robin turned to try and help the alien and Red X turned his attention towards Beast Boy who was flying at him in pterodactyl form.

He shot a volley of red Xs that exploded before hitting Beast Boy and blinded him causing him to fall out of the sky in a crumbled heap on the ground.

Before Cyborg could even lift his sonic cannon Red X tossed a throwing star that lodged itself in Cyborg's arm after easily slicing through his cybernetics. The blue light that normally illuminated the arm blinked a few times before dying. Before the Cyborg could even respond he did the same to the other arm.

Satisfied with the results Red X jumped in front of Raven and cover her mouth with an adhesive red x before she could even open her mouth and turned away, barely giving her a second glance. Raven tried for a moment to rip the X off before giving up and instead leaning against the wall and waiting this thing out. It was then that Red X turned and acknowledged the girl and her casual stance.

"You usually put up more fight than that." Red X noted. "You better watch out Robin, looks like one of your own is losing her will to fight." He called back teasingly to Robin who was still trying to free Starfire. Not waiting for a reply from their leader, Red X strolled calmly over to the dark girl. She glared at him levelly but held her ground. He reached out a hand and before Raven could even figure out what he was doing, he roughly ripped the X off the mouth. Raven struggled not to cry out at the pain.

"Better now, little bird?" Red X teased. Instead of replying Raven muttered her mantra under her breath and pushed the thief a few steps back.

"Is that all? Usually you pack a bigger punch." Red X provoked. And he was right, for some reason Raven's powers had been harder to control. But not because she couldn't control her emotions to do so, it was like her powers had been buried deeper inside her and required more concentration to utilize them, but when she did she had little to no bother from her emotions.

Turning her attention back to the situation at hand, she throw up an energy shield barely in time to block a few of Red X's explosives. But the shield didn't handle the projectiles well and dissolved immediately afterwards. She didn't even try to deflect the next red adhesive X he tossed at Raven's mouth. Instead she returned to her spot, leaning against the wall once again. Red X shot her another peculiar look before grabbing something out of the crate he was searching in earlier and teleporting away.

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The titans arrived back at the tower a few minutes later, looking worse for the wear.

"Man, look what he did to my arms!" Cyborg complained, holding up his damaged appendages.

"Your arms? Dude! I'm still seeing spots!" Beast Boy whined.

"I shall go make the pudding of healing." Starfire promised. She was met with a chorus of "No!"

"But you are hurt, yes?" Starfire asked, looking confused.

"I think what they mean, Star, is that they were just exaggerating, and they don't want to bother you." Robin explained delicately.

"Oh but I do not mind, friends!" Star assured before flying off the kitchen

"Aw man! Can this night get any worse?" Cyborg cried. Beast boy nodded solemnly in agreement for a moment before his whole face lit up.

"Dude, do you wanna go play video games?" Beast Boy asked Cyborg excitedly.

"Look at my arms, BB, do I look like a can play video games?" Cyborg grumbled, heading off in the direction of the garage. He turned towards Robin but he had already left to go the evidence room, probably to obsess about their defeat. So instead he turned towards Raven a deceivingly pitiful look on his face.

"No." Raven deadpanned.

"C'mon Rae, you don't even know what I was going to ask!" Beast Boy pleaded.

"Fine, what?" Raven asked.

"Do you wanna play-"

"No." she replied curtly and spun on her heel and began walking in the direction of her room.

"Wait! Can't you at least mediate or read or whatever you were gonna do out here with me? I'll put the TV on mute." Beast Boy implored. Raven turned back to assess the green boy. He had a hopeful look on his face and frankly Raven didn't want to sit alone in her room at the moment anyways. She didn't reply but walked over and grabbed a book of the shelf before settling into the couch. She could hear Beast Boy cheering behind her and the loud expression of emotions tugged ever so gently on her own dwindling ones. She frowned slightly, but brushed the thought away. You can't actually lose your ability to feel….right?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Does anyone read these? I mean I do but I tend to be an exception to many things…But anyways thanks for continuing on to the next chapter, even if it took me forever to update. Sorry for any typos and PLEASE REVIEW! I would love to know what you guys think! Plus a motivated author updates sooner! Thanks!

Disclaimer: Yeaaah no.

Chapter Two

Her eyes skimmed across the page slowly as she pretend to read. Recently she had been unable to get sucked in the plot of books like she used to be able to. She could still read, sure. But it all held the bare minimal amount of interest for her. Even the most action packed thrillers had her yawning. So instead she sat their reading each word but forgetting it as soon as she moved on to the next. She truly had nothing better to do.

She could meditate, of course, but her control over her emotion had been impeccable as of the late and there was no use. Even being around Beast Boy, whose sole purpose in life may very well be to annoy her, could barely irk her. At the moment he was playing some video game that involved, from what Raven could see, racing cars. It was almost amusing how he would lean side to side as his car made identical turns. As if sensing her gaze the green changeling looked away from to screen and instead smiled goofily towards her.

"Wanna play, Rae?" Beast Boy asked casually, as if he thought the likeliness of that happening was the same as the sun rising the next day. She didn't even bother to answer, but instead turned back to the book that held no interest for her.

"Aww come one! I'll go easy on you!" Beast Boy pleaded. She probably should have squashed his hope when he first asked. Ignoring him had apparently only instigated some hope in the green boy.

"No." She deadpanned. "I believe the deal was I read while you conduct in various activities sure to rot you're brain. If you have one at all." She added for good measure.

Besides his smile faltering, he didn't so much as flinch in response to her verbal abuse. _I have no idea way he still puts up with me,_ Raven thought to herself. _I wouldn't_, one of her emotions whispered darkly. She blinked in surprise. It had been a while since one of her emotions spoke to her. _You need to stop repressing us before-_

She quickly cut off knowledge, who thought she might try and use her brief lapse in control to get a message to the dark girl. She hadn't realized that she was the one that was pushing her emotions so neatly into control, but now that she did, she wasn't going to stop. She was finally getting her powers under control, which was all she had ever wanted. But oddly enough, she didn't even feel she slightest bit happy about it.

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Beast Boy's POV

Trying to keep his car on the virtual track and look at Raven at the same day was harder than expected. Eventually he veered off the road and collided with the mountain side and 'you lose!' covered the screen in oozing red letters and he was able to direct all of his attention to the girl next to him.

She had a peculiar look that was a mix of content and confusion painted lightly on her face. Which was odd considering the only expressions that frequented her face were varying levels of angry and annoyance. But recently she wore even more of a calm mask. She hardly even got more than mildly annoyed at him.

Which wasn't exactly a bad thing, but he did rather like knowing that he was the only titan that could evoke emotion in her. Even if it wasn't one of the more cheery ones, he could settle. But honestly he wasn't always _trying_ to annoy her. It was actually quite the opposite. The only problem was he was yet to find a way to evoke any other emotions in her. The goal was a smile or maybe even a laugh, of course. But things that made other happy seemed to do quite the opposite to Raven. The only time he had really ever made her laugh was when they first met after Starfire escape her captors. And that was before she had learned how much damage she could truly do with her emotions. She explained that she had never had such emotional run-ins back in Azarath, and it had caught her off guard, and lastly that Beast Boy was in return definitely not funny. After that he had vowed to make her laugh again.

So far his mission had been a failure. But he was nowhere near waving a white flag. And it couldn't hurt that he rather liked spending time with the purple haired empath…..

"Stop staring at me." Raven chided, purple irises flashing ever so briefly in annoyance.

"Oh..er…sorry.." He sputtered, nervously. There was something entirely nerve-wracking about having her violet eyes locked on you.

"Whatever." She muttered looking back down at the thick book in her hands. Her eyes traced the words lazily in a way that Beast Boy knew all too well. It was the exact same way Beast Boy pretended to 'read' books he didn't want to. He smiled in a way that only one knowing something other didn't could. Before thinking through his action he scooted closer to the girl, all the while trying to ignore the fragrant smell of roses and black cherries that always perfumed the air around her and snatched the book out of her hands. She still stared down at her hands blinking, before looking up at Beast Boy, as if her brain had yet to compute that the book was gone.

"Give me back my book." She stated calmly.

"What's it about?" He asked holding the book in front of him to the page she was on.

"Why do you care? Just give it back." She growled, looking a bit nervous.

"I will when you tell me what it is about." He replied calmly, trying not to smirk. When she made a wild snatch for it he pulled it away and stood up holding it up as high as he could. In response she climbed to her feet, too, and stood on her tippy-toes trying to reach it.

Luckily Beast Boy had grown a good six inches and was now quite a bit taller than the empath. At the point she began to jump a bit, trying to reach the novel. After a few tries of this the abruptly stopped and blushed slightly as if realizing what she was doing, before straightening her cloak roughly.

"Just give it to me, Garfield." She said sounding oddly defeated. Not liking the look on her face or the tone of her voice he handed it back immediately, instantly regretting bothering her. As soon as the book was safely back in her hands she shot out a hand and angry used her powers to engulf him in black energy and throw him back.

He closed his eyes in nervous anticipation of bursting through the window and falling into the water below. He always knew this was to be the consequences of bothering her but it was worth it. As he waited for his back to hit the window he was completely shocked when it hit something much harder and sooner than he expected. Opening his eyes he realized that she had only thrown him down on the floor. The window was several feet away. He propped himself up on his elbows and looked at the girl in surprise. _Why is she going easy on me?_ He wondered. But Raven wore an expression that was just as confused as his. She looked down as the hand she had shot her black energy out of and back of him several times. Before he could even open his mouth to question the girl she hurried out of the room.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

A/N: Soundtrack for this Chapter (Yup I doing this. Deal with it): "Bittersweet"-Panic! At The Disco, "Alone Together"-Fallout Boy, "You're Gonna Go Far, Kid"-The Offspring, "Wicked Games"-The Weekend. Please R&R!

Robin's POV

He couldn't believe it. He was struggling not to rip Beast boy's filthy hands off of Raven as he pulled her up off his bed. He never particularly liked he was always hopelessly fawning over her, but now he was pushing it too far. Beast boy's obvious affection for the dark girl were annoying but nothing he really concerned himself with. But now he was holding _his_ delicate bird possessively. Who gave him the right? Everybody knew Raven and him had a special connection since the whole Slade incident…..the familiar pull had seem to be waning lately….but that couldn't possible mean anything!

He needed to have a little chat with Beast boy and put him in his place. But first he was calling a team meeting. He might as well take some proactive precautions it _was_ rather inappropriate to be dating another member of the team…'Course he would have to overlook that when he finally got around to telling Raven about his feeling for her. He understood perfectly that Raven was just settling because she didn't know about Robin. He would remedy that soon. But for now he just had to keep his eye on Beast boy and make sure he didn't try anything.

Beast boy's POV

He was still so happy to focus on anything but the beautiful miracle in his arms. She hadn't pulled away from his arms, which made him extremely happy. They were now snuggled up on the couch. No one else seemed to be around but Robin who was standing in front of them glaring profusely. What's his problem?

"Why are we the only ones here?" Beast boy asked suspiciously. Robin must have been pretty deep in thought because he seemed pretty dazed by his question.

"…I go get them." He said slowly, walking out quickly. Weird, he frowned. Had he not even called the other, yet?

"What's wrong?" Raven asked softly. He looked down to see her looking up at him with adorable concern. Instantly a smile broke through the frown.

"Nothing. Just thinking." He lied. No need to worry Raven. He was probably just being paranoid. She nodded and settled back down with her head on his shoulder. She then immediately removed it and blushed darkly as she realized how clingy and silly she was probably being.

"I don't mind." He told her. She just gave him an awkward look.

"Seriously I like having you close and I've been told I make a great pillow. Must just be a side effect of my naturally charming personality." He assured, smirking. She rolled her eyes but snuggled back up against him. He wrapped a reassuring arm around her in case she tried to change her mind.

By then the other titans had slowly began wandering in. Resulting in Raven throwing her hood up, and somehow managing to duck behind her cloak. Gar simply pulled her hood back down and looked away innocently. She glared, but left it there.

By then all the titans but Robin were seated. Cyborg regarded the pair oddly, while Starfire merely looked happy to see them together.

"Why is tofu for brains holding on to my little sis?...wait….was he being serious earlier?!" Cy exclaimed.

"Glorious! My friends has finally come together to join in the ship of relations!" Star cheered. Exasperated, Cyborg didn't even bother to correct her.

"So you understand the problem." Robin stated firmly, aiming his words at Cy.

"Problem?" Gar inserted, "What problem?" At this point everybody started talking over each other.

"This is highly inappropriate!-"

"The little grass stain better keep his hands to himself!-"

"I will make the pudding of love and happiness for my friends!-"

"NOO!"

"…Why not Friend Robin?"

"….no reason, Star. This just…isn't the time..." The sad Tameranian sat down and things returned to something close to order.

All the while the three titans had been arguing, Gar had merely stared adoringly down at Raven, who had turned a color comparable to a rose. He finally looked up when he heard the buzzing of their talking die off. Starfire was looking vaguely despondent, Cyborg a bit ruffled, and Robin very peeved to say the least.

"…I'm sorry, what?" Gar asked

Rolling his eyes, Robin answered, "You can't date Raven." Gar considered this for a moment. Then looked down at Raven.

"Wanna go on a date tomorrow night?" He asked. She refused to meet his eyes but nodded hesitantly.

"Looks like I can to me." Gar retorted, speaking to Robin again. Robin opened his mouth to argued but Gar turned back to the dark girl in his arms, no longer giving him the attention.

"Do you need to meditate? I don't mind watching…" He offered her with a goofy grin. She nodded with a small smile and he stood up, pulling her up with him. They then left to go to the roof. The daggers Robin was glaring into his back were almost palpable. Good, he thought. He didn't mind taking orders from the traffic light but this was taking it too far. He finally had Raven and no one was taking her from him.

Raven POV's

She was only mildly surprised Gar wanted to watch her meditate. For the last couple months she could all but expect to feel his gaze on her while she recited her mantra. Needless to say, she was having trouble concentrating lately. But she never confronted him in fear he would stop. Knowing he was watching over her so reverently was almost….comforting.

He held the door to the roof open for her and she murmured a quiet thanks. He smiled widely in response. She then walked ahead and found a spot on the ground to settle down. Just as her eyes lulled shut she heard Gar plop down next to her. She tried to ignored to sound of him shifting and moving about.

"…hey Rae?" He asked shyly. Intrigued by his demeanor she peaked one eye open and replied.

"….What?"

"What do you think about when you meditate?" He implored gently.

"…"

"…You don't have to tell me if you do-"

"Memories" She answer quickly, then shut her eyes again. He must have sensed she didn't want to explain because he let it go. Maybe she would tell him later. But for now she kept her demons and angels alike to herself. Didn't we all anyways?


End file.
